


Never Piss Off a Superpowered Zookeeper

by Akeara4



Category: Misfits
Genre: Friendship, Gen, M/M, Male Friendship, Nathan is an ass, Not porn, Tentacles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-04-17
Updated: 2015-04-01
Packaged: 2017-11-03 19:32:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/385066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akeara4/pseuds/Akeara4
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nathan's been acting weird lately, and Simon is sent to find out what's wrong. The last thing he expects is to see Nathan turned part squid. Now they have to find out how to fix it before Nathan goes bat-shit insane, now that he can't even think about getting sex, or even getting naked, for that matter.<br/>Not as bad as it sounds. <br/>NOT porn. I did this to prove that there can be a tentacle fic WITHOUT porn. <br/>If enough people ask, I might make a parallel fic with porn, though.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Nathan had been acting weird all day. Not necessarily “weird” per say, but he’d drunk nearly a gallon of water in the past hour. Everyone was noticing it, and once he left to go get more, they all turned to each other.

“Wha’ the fook’s wrong wit’ ‘im?” Kelly asked as if one of the others would know. Curtis shrugged.

“Maybe he’s sick or something, ya know?”

“Maybe he wanks so much he gets dehydrated.” Alisha put in.

“Maybe there’s something really wrong with him...” Simon whispered worriedly. He looked over to where Nathan had left to get more water. “He seemed fine yesterday. Maybe he annoyed someone with the ability to dehydrate people.” He offered.

“Then maybe we should just let him drink. If he pissed someone off, I doubt he even remembers doing it. If he’s thirsty because of it, he probably deserves to be anyway.” Curtis reasoned.

Nathan returned and everyone continued their graffiti cleaning as if the conversation never happened. Nathan downed another three gallons of water before their community service was over, and no one mentioned anything about it until it was time for them to leave.

“I’m so thirsty I think the Atlantic is in danger!”  He exclaimed while filling his water bottle again.

“The Atlantic is salt water. It’d make you thirstier.” Simon commented under his breath. Of course, however, Nathan heard it.

“You think you’re funny, Barry? I’ll have you know that I’m so thirsty I don’t care what kind of water it is!” He retorted before marching from the locker room in a fake tantrum. Simon stared at the door a few seconds before his mouth formed words.

“That doesn’t even make sense..” He whispered to no one in particular. Alisha chuckled and Curtis patted his back.

“That’s Nathan.” Curtis chuckled. He and Alisha left together in a happy little prance. Kelly walked over to Simon a little worried.

“You wanna see if he’s alrigh’? Watch ‘im tonigh’ or somethin’?” She requested. Simon sighed.

“Yeah, I’ll make sure he’s alright.” he confirmed before going invisible. Kelly smiled.

“Than’ ya for this, Simon.” She thanked before leaving the locker room. Simon walked over to where Nathan’s little cove was and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Nathan eventually came from wherever he’d been, which could have been anything from a party to just drinking in the community center’s bar, and sat down on his makeshift bed, piss drunk. It took him all of ten minutes to curl up in his bed and pass out.

Simon sighed and opened a book he’d taken with him for the walk home. He’d been reading for a couple hours before Nathan made a sound, and the sound was a groan of pain. Simon looked up from his book and saw Nathan turning over and over, his face contorted in pain.He turned to lay on his stomach and arched into the air. That, however, wasn’t the part that scared Simon. The part that scared Simon was the movement underneath Nathan’s shirt. It looked like snakes were slithering across his back.

Simon wasted no time and ran over to Nathan, turning visible again and uncovering his shirt to reveal the atrocity underneath. It looked like snakes were growing out of his back, or at least their tails were. The eight snake tail things wiggled around until they were the length of his lanky arms, and then they fell flat, along with his body. Simon uncovered Nathan’s face from his own sweat-slicked hair to see his barely conscious face.

“B-Barry?” He said through pants.

“What can I do to help?” Simon asked seriously. Nathan looked up at him, still obviously not knowing what had happened.

“Water.” He said bluntly, not having the energy to make a roundabout joke. Simon ran and filled a pitcher in the kitchen with water before running back, trying not to spill anything.

When he returned, Nathan was trying to push himself up, not used to the extra weight on his back. He still hadn’t seemed to notice they were even there, though.

“What are you doing here, Barry? And what’s going on?” He asked from under half-lidded eyes.

“I brought the water.” Simon responded, handing him the pitcher. Instead of a hand that grabbed the pitcher, however, one of the snake things reached out  and seemed to attach to it using suckers, like a tentacle from an octopus or squid. When had those appeared on them?

The tentacle pulled the pitcher to his mouth and he gulped all the water down in a few seconds, not even realizing how he was holding it up. He opened his eyes and looked at Simon, who was now staring wide eyed at the tentacle, and slowly looked down at the extra limb before him.

Nathan screamed and the pitcher dropped to the ground.

“What the fuck!” He yelled, his voice now an octave higher. “What the bloody hell is that?!?” He looked over his shoulder to get a better view of the new limbs.

“They look like tentacles.” Simon offered, still fairly calm despite the situation. Nathan glared at him.

“Why are they coming from my back?” He cried, the tentacles moving around frantically. “And why can I control them?!?”

“It’s probably somebody’s ability that did that to you.” Simon explained, but Nathan didn’t seem to be listening very well. One of the tentacles shot up near Simon’s face.

“See, Barry? Full motor control! It’s like they’re supposed to be there or somethin’!” Nathan yelled, still not exactly calm about the situation. Simon sighed and grabbed the end of the tentacle to help calm him down. It had the opposite effect. Nathan make a sort of squeaking noise and the tentacle pulled back faster than Simon thought possible.

“Don’t touch it!” he yelled, suddenly holding the tentacle almost defensively.

“What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” Simon asked, genuinely worried. Nathan looked like he was going to laugh.

“No! You just taste horrible! Barry, you need a shower every once in awhile.”

Simon couldn’t help but stare blankly at him for a couple seconds.

“You can taste with the suckers?” he asked in near shock. Nathan stuck out his tongue in disgust.

“Yeah. No offense, Barry, but you taste like spunk.”

Simon rolled his eyes.

“You got over this really quickly.” He stated. A tentacle was soon found pointing at him inches from his face.

“So have you, you sick pervert. I bet you’d love to see some kinky things happen using these.” Nathan said, staring straight into Simon’s eyes and pressing the tip of the tentacle to the tip of his nose. “But I’ve already told you, Barry. I am not your whore!”

Simon blinked. Nathan pulled back as if just noticing something.

“Ah, Fuck! How am I supposed to have sex like this?!?” he turned to Simon desperately. “I’ll have to look for someone into bestiality or something! Someone as perverted as you will be so hard to come by!”

“I’m not a perver-”

“I’m thirsty!” Nathan interrupted the whisper. and stood up, wrapping the tentacles around his torso like he was hugging himself.It was an effective way to hid them underneath the shirt. He made a face of disgust for a second.

“What?”

“I taste even worse than you, Barry.” He pretended to throw up for a second before shrugging and walking to the kitchen to get more water. Simon followed close behind.

“At least it makes sense that you need a lot of water now.” He commented as Nathan drank glass after glass from the tap.

“How?”

“You’re obviously somewhat aquatic now, I wouldn’t be surprised if you needed to actually breathe through water every once in awhile.” He explained. Nathan looked at Simon and the back at the glass about three times before filling it again and drinking again. He stared forward blankly for a moment before turning to Simon.

“You’re right!” He said with a little gurgle in his voice. “It felt weird, but I can breathe in water!” Nathan took a deep breath and his face changed to slight confusion.

“What is it?” Simon asked.

“Breathing through water was better.” He said before grabbing another glass and breathing in the water again.

“You’re not worried about this?” Simon asked, wondering Nathan’s sanity for taking this so well. Nathan rolled his eyes melodramatically.

“Please, Barry. All we gotta do is find out who did this to me, beat ‘im up, and zip, zam, zoom, I’m good as new!” He said before taking another gulp of water.

“Do you have any idea who it actually was that did this to you?”

Nathan paused for a moment to think.

“No...” He said with a sigh. Simon groaned.

“Okay. We’ll assume it happened two days ago. Where did you go two days ago?”

Nathan thought for another moment.

“Nowhere. I went to the zoo three days ago, though.”

“Then we’ll start there. We should go there at dawn, if possible. I’m sure you want this fixed as soon as possible.” Simon instructed. Nathan laughed a little.

“Naw, I _want_ these hypersensitive freak mutations!” He yelled sarcastically. “They’re sure to help with my sex life!”

“We’ll leave at dawn then.” Simon sighed. “Other than the obvious, how do you feel? Any pain?”

“Everything!” Nathan exclaimed. “I feel everything! These things are more sensitive than my enormous penis during sex! It’s too much! And at least I can’t taste with my penis!” The tentacles seemed to pull tighter around him underneath the shirt to avoid touching anything. Simon walked a little closer.

“Is it really that bad?” He asked worriedly. “Is that why you freaked out when I touched you?”

Nathan didn’t answer, he just filled another glass and downed it like a shot.

“We should get ready to go to the zoo.” he said after a few moments. With that he walked back to his little alcove and took off his shirt, allowing the tentacles to stretch momentarily, being careful not to touch anything.

“I should go to the bathroom while you get dressed.” Simon offered. Nathan chuckled.

“I thought you’d want to stay and imagine kinky tentacle sex while I was naked.”

Simon rolled his eyes and left to get some breakfast from the vending machines. He put the quid in and selected some chips for his snack before promptly returning to a fully clothed Nathan.

“Ready to go?” Simon asked. Nathan smiled up at him, the tentacles so tightly packed around him that he barely looked any different. You’d have to be looking for a difference to see it.

“Course, Barry. Let’s go already!” he cheered, on his way to the exit already. “We’ve gotta get this done ASAP.”

Simon followed with a sigh.


	2. whoops this chapter isnt finished but heres what I wrote before i gave up

It was a short while before they made it to the zoo, but the walk was almost normal, with Nathan making snide comedic comments whenever Simon opened his mouth. Every once in a while, Nathan would hitch his breath as his shirt touched his torso the wrong way, but didn’t mention it otherwise.  
Right as they passed through the gate entrance, however, Nathan bent over and fell to the ground, groaning loudly in pain. Simon ran straight over to him and helped him stand.  
“What is it?” He asked worriedly. Nathan tried to run toward the bathroom.   
“It’s happening again!” He screamed in his run. As soon as he entered the bathroom, another man seemed to run out. Simon briefly wondered how Nathan had managed to do it before running in behind him.  
“Nathan!” He yelled, just entering the room to see a now shirtless Nathan lying on the ground, tentacles spread around under him, and groaning in pain. There seemed to be two more tentacles growing from his sides, slightly thinner than the previous ones.  
“I thought octopuses only had 8 things!” He screamed, writhing on the ground. The tentacles grew about 6 feet long, a lot longer than the other ones, before thickening at the edges, looking somewhat like flat fingerless hands. Nathan was left panting on the floor once they had finished their transformation.  
“Octopi.” Simon corrected. “And yes they do, but squids sometimes have ten limbs.” Nathan groaned.  
“So I’m turning into a squid? Wonderful!” he cried out in a hoarse voice. “Fuck! Barry I need water.”   
Simon ran over to the sink and filled his hands with water before running back to Nathan, who drank it quickly. The longer tentacle reached up seemingly without him noticing and latched on to Simon’s arm.  
“Barry, help me up.” He ordered. “I need a lot more water than that...”  
Simon tried to get a hand on him without touching the tentacles, but couldn’t find a way. He eventually decided upon just grabbing him and dealing with the scolding after.  
What Simon didn’t expect to happen was when he tried to get a good grip, all of the tentacles latched onto his body, all around his torso and arms, and helped him pull Nathan up. Simon tried to ignore the mass of limbs sprawled around him and helped Nathan to the now running sink. With some difficulty, Nathan managed to detangle himself and drink from the sink hungrily.  
“Thanks, Barry.” He said once he’d drunk for a few minutes. He was still leaning against the sink and seemed out of breath, but he looked a lot better already.  
“What the hell even are these things?” He asked, stretching the new additions in front of him, still making sure not to touch anything. The inside edges were lined with not only more suckers but also some hook-like things on some of them. Nathan sighed and the hooks curled in before he wrapped the tentacles around his waist again. He grabbed his shirt and rolled it on before turning to Simon.   
“We need to fix this NOW, Barry.”   
“Alright.” Simon sighed. “Let’s go. Tell me if you see anyone you recognise.” Nathan nodded as they left the bathroom. They didn’t even really need to look before they saw a young woman being held up by the collar by a man with discernibly wolf ears popping out of his head. Simon and Nathan bolted full speed to the scene.  
“Fix this!” The man screamed, claws beginning to rip through her shirt. Simon interrupted the scene first.  
“What’s going on?” he asked the group, although he was pretty sure he knew the answer already.  
“This bitch did something to me! She needs to change me back!!” He screamed, lifting her off the ground as she cringed back in fear.  
“I don’t know how to fix it!” the woman cried. “It just happens! I’ve tried, believe me!”  
The man dropped her and she fell to the ground, looking helplessly up at the group above her. Her eyes landed on Nathan and widened.  
“Oh my god! I didn’t- Did I do it to you too?” she asked, looking him over for changes.   
“Naw! This is normal!” He said as one of the tentacles slipped from under his shirt just enough to be seen. She gasped at the sight and the man laughed cynically.   
“You think that’d bad? At least you can hide yours!” He yelled, pointing at his wolf ears. “The tail is hard enough, but there’s no hat that covers this! And at least you can still see in color!”   
Simon couldn’t possibly have stopped the argument from elevating, considering the similarity between the two half-transformed men.  
“Oh really, you think you’ve got it bad? Well listen here, ass-sniffer, at least you don’t have to taste everything you touch, which is disgusting, and I’ll have you know I AM colorblind, Fido! You’ve got nothing on me!”  
The man growled, baring his full set of fangs, and took a step at Nathan, his slightly taller stature towering over the Irishman. There was a shifting of limbs beneath Nathan’s shirt as the two stared each other down.  
“Bring it, Fleabag.” Nathan called much more confidently than he actually was. His bluff was called immediately. In the next second, he was being held up by the neck by one of the tall man’s muscular arms. The smaller of the two squeaked slightly at the sudden loss of air and Simon wasted no time in running to knock the assailant down. However, with a single swing of the man’s free mammoth arm, Simon found himself smashed against the ground, head bleeding slightly.  
The next event occurred so quickly, Simon hadn’t a clue what happened. Nathan fell to the floor and the man screamed in pain. He wasn’t sure which had come first.  
“What the bloody hell was that?!?” The man screamed, his arm now bleeding profusely from a large gash in his arm. Nathan kneeled panting across from him, all his limbs spread out to keep his balance, and a single long tentacle covered in blood hovering before his own shocked eyes.  
“Holy fuck!” Nathan’s eyes lit up as he waved the bloody tentacle in front of him. “How the hell did I do that?”   
The small hooks along the inside of the limb folded in and out at his command and he understood what he’d done.  
“Bloody hell...” He mumbled in shock. “These long ones are like weapons, aren’t they!” He yelled to no one in particular. The large man stood and walked over to him threateningly. Nathan put his arms over his head and the two tentacles joined them in his protection.  
“Talk about no spine.” The man taunted, reaching down and pushing one of the tentacles aside and out of his way. Nathan squeaked and the limbs flailed, ripping a large gash across the man’s chest this time.  
“Don’t touch it!!!” He yelled, pulling all of his limbs back under his shirt and protecting them with his hands as well. THe man was too busy groaning and holding his now badly bleeding chest in pain. Simon finally stood again and walked up to the man.  
“You should leave before he hurts you again. He’s really stupid, so he might accidentally kill you.” He warned. The man stared at him for a short moment before looking briefly at Nathan and deciding that Simon was right, huffing a little and walking away slowly. Nathan then turned to the woman, who’d been staring fearfully the entire fight.  
“What’s your name?” Simon asked nicely before Nathan could begin his forceful interrogation. The woman smiled at him.  
“A-Abigail...” She responded, almost flinching back from Nathan’s presence. “I’m really sorry this happened to you. I don’t have a clue how to fix it.”   
“You mean it wasn’t just cause that guy was an asshole?” Nathan pleaded. “There’s really no way to fix this?”  
“I can try, but it’s never worked before...” She offered. “I’m really sorry, I am...” She apologized before sticking a hand on his shoulder and closing her eyes, concentrating. “Um, Try to think of being fully human again.”  
“Yup, got it.” Nathan said, closing his eyes also. There was a brief moment where it looked like it could work, but after a minute or so, Abigail sighed and let her hand drop from his shoulder.  
“I’m sorry. There’s no way.”  
“But there has to be a way!” Nathan shrieked, all patience lost. “You have to keep trying! I can’t be like this for the rest of my life!” He flailed his arms to emphasize his point. The woman just shook her head apologetically.  
“I’m sorry. I really am.”  
Nathan whimpered a bit under his breath, and Simon sighed and put a hand on his shoulder.  
“We’ll find a way. There has to be someone who can reverse this.” He comforted. “We just have to find them.”  
“But how long could that take?” Nathan called, obviously not in favor of the new plan. “I can’t stay like this forever! It’s horrible!”  
“I’m sorry. At least it’s not the worst that could happen.”Abigail comforted. “A squid’s arms can be very useful. And they’re well hidden. You just have to try to get over the hypersensitivity. A squid’s senses of touch and taste are around a thousand times as sensitive as a human’s. You probably didn’t get nearly as bad, but they’re still extremely sensitive, right?”  
Nathan nodded, paying attention extremely closely for what Simon guessed was probably the first time in his life.  
“So what do I do about it?” he asked.   
“You actually can’t do anything about it. Squids can’t lessen their senses. You just have to get used to it. I guess you haven’t quite turned aquatic, you’re breathing. So, it could be much worse.”


End file.
